2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
