I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
