Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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