My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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