Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
