I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
