i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
