one might say we're banned from that church
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
