Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
