It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
