We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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