if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
