She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
it's great music for shaving your balls
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
