i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
