there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize