If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Congratulations! We have a period
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