but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
