and next time when you feel me up, do it right
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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