Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
