I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Plan B is the new Plan A
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
