Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
