why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
