I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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