well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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