DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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