Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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