you turned your livingroom into a bong?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
