i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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