You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
