I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
