Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
