Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
