I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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