Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
God I need to hump something, right now.
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