??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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