He is such a slut. More and more my type.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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