I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
