I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
