You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
