even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
