Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
