the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
how drunk are you?
Several
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize