Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
