awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
