I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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