I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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