I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
