thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
