ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
