Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
