New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
