don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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