very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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