4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
