I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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