So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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