Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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