this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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