Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
