You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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