do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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