allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you would pick up someone in the library
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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