She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
