I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
