Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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