we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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