i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I believe in your delicious
We need to get me chipped asap
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
