Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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