tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
