We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
