He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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