so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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