You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
